Coping with the loss of a pet
11/07/2016
There comes a time when we all must cope with death. It’s natural to feel the sting of pain when someone you love is suddenly gone. However, it is sometimes common to be met with lack of understanding when a pet dies.
The American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA) first recommends to acknowledge the reality of the death. When a beloved animal dies, the steps for coping are ongoing.
“Acknowledging the full reality of your loss may take weeks or months, but will be done in a time that is right for you,” the AVMA’s website suggests. “Be kind to yourself as you prepare for the new normal” of a life without your pet. Just as it took time to build the relationship with your pet, it will take time to get used to him or her not being there.”
And indeed, this time spent building a relationship with a pet is what makes the loss of constant, unconditional love so hard. In his op-ed published in The Washington Post in 2012, Joe Yonan describes the days following the loss of his Doberman, and how it paralleled with the previous loss of his first dog.
In Yonan’s article, he cites Sandra Barker, the director of the Center for Human-Animal Interaction at Virginia Commonwealth University, and her 1988 study on the human-animal bond published in the Journal of Mental Health Counseling.
In the study, dog owners were asked to place symbols for their family members in a circle representing each dog owner’s life. The distance between the dog owner and the other symbols corresponded to the real-life closeness of relationships. In 38 percent of cases, the dog was placed closest to the owner.
The unique relationship between pet and owner is precisely why The Humane Society of the United States says that “the grief process is as individual as the person, lasting days for one and years for another. The process typically begins with denial, which offers protection until individuals can realize their loss.”
After acknowledging the grief and expressing it, the Humane Society recommends reaching out to others who “can lend a sympathetic ear.” Some organizations even offer support groups; the SPCA of Texas offers Pet Grief Counseling, an “innovative and dynamic program designed to help those who are grieving the loss of a beloved companion animal.”
The AVMA also recommends other steps towards healing, including moving toward the pain of the loss, continuing your relationship through positive memories of your beloved pet, adjusting your self-identity, searching for meaning and receiving support from others.
When a pet dies, the children of the household may also need special care and attention.
“The loss of a pet may be a child’s first experience with death,” the Humane Society says on their site. “The child may blame themselves, their parents or the veterinarian. They may feel guilty, depressed and frightened. Expressing your own grief may reassure your child that sadness is okay, and may help them work through their feelings.”